Friday, September 23, 2011

Things I don't do.

I'm just going to lay it all out on the table, here. I'm a terrible housewife. It's true. If I had to interview for the job, in the same way you interview for a paying job, no one would hire me. There are things I just don't do. Then, there are things I can do, but I do them poorly. There is nothing related to my daily job that I excel at or even do particularly well.

My housekeeping skills leave so much to be desired. I've heard other people say, "I just love to vacuum" or "I really get into a zone when I'm dusting" and I think, "You've got to be kidding me. People really enjoy this crap?"

I'm sure my mother could give you a list ten miles long of the half assed or utterly incompetent ways I clean. I do the minimal amount necessary to keep my house presentable. When that fails, I aim for whatever keeps the guys in the hazmat suits at bay. And I absolutely do not iron unless it is forced upon me like an unwanted sexual advance in a dank and dirty nightclub.

The only redeeming quality of housework is that I get to count the calories I burned. Today, for instance, I swept, did dishes, 2 loads of laundry, and steam cleaned the couch cushions. I merrily entered this "cleaning:light to moderate effort" into my smartphone app, knowing I could eat an additional spicy tuna roll tonight. Ah, the taste of victory.

Then there is cooking. I can cook and there are some things I cook very well, but I'd rather not cook. Alas, I'm stuck doing it three times a day. I've heard people say cooking relaxes them. I can't relate. In fact, the idea of cooking a three course meal as a means to serenity is preposterous. There is no time more stressful than that which is spent toiling away over a hot stove, chopping, dicing, stirring, and timing everything so that it doesn't burn.

"Then what DO you do, Annabelle?"

Funny you should ask. I've spent some time contemplating this subject myself. I have concluded that I am not defined by my housekeeping skills. They are irrelevant. My talents lie elsewhere and that is what makes me, well, me. I am an artist, a medium, if you will. I transcribe the words my imaginary friends give me. I tell stories of love and life, happiness and hatred, estrangement and esteem. I channel the sights, sounds, and images that belong to another person and weave vivid tapestries of the world that surrounds them. That is what I do.

Know what you're meant to do and do it well, I say! So, my friends, what do you do?

1 comment:

  1. I think housework for most people is like hygiene or using the toilet. You do it cause you gotta, but it's a rare person who really truly enjoys it, I think. Cooking makes me feel like I've accomplished something or created something, if I have time to do something nice. Otherwise, it falls under "housework".

    What do I do? I spend every waking moment trying to figure out how I can find a new career, and move back home. And I spend every night trying to find myself after everyone else goes to bed. I'm glad you know purpose. That's a great gift!!