The Bombshell Mommy

Guess WHAT? Many of you already know this, but here's my official blog announcement.

I AM THE BOMBSHELL MOMMY!

I'm writing as The Bombshell Mommy exclusively for Vitacost. The entire focus is to encourage women to embrace their sexuality and sexual health in the face of the drudgery of every day life as moms, wives, and all around Superwoman duties.

See that click-through badge on the side of this blog? Hop over there any time. I'd love for you to visit. No writing talk, just fun, flirty, and fascinating discussions of why every woman is a Bombshell at heart.

I don't get political here, you know this, but I want you all to understand that in a time where women are being shoved back into the kitchen, being pushed into second class citizenry, being slut-shamed, our bodies continually commodified and treated as community property, it is of dire importance that we embrace our sexuality.

When you own your sexuality, you have the courage to stand up for yourself. You have the courage to tell that guy off when he puts his hands on your body without invitation. You have the strength to report when someone assaults you. You are empowered by knowledge you have of your body and how it works. Your children benefit from the freedom to ask you questions and your ability to answer them with confidence and compassion. You have the deep seeded knowledge that your body and your sexuality is not to be judged or defined by anyone else. It is YOURS and no one is entitled to your body simply because you are a woman.

It's time to stop living the conundrum of the Madonna/Whore syndrome. We CAN be mothers and  sexual beings, simultaneously. We CAN enjoy sex without being "easy", "loose", or "immoral". We CAN be women, with our lovely curves, our beautiful minds, our emotionally overflowing hearts, and our iron clad spines, while still enjoying the desires of the flesh.

Enough of the serious.

It's a crazy fun time over there. Light hearted and sexy, cheeky and sensual. Bombshell's of the world, UNITE!

Things I don't do.

I'm just going to lay it all out on the table, here. I'm a terrible housewife. It's true. If I had to interview for the job, in the same way you interview for a paying job, no one would hire me. There are things I just don't do. Then, there are things I can do, but I do them poorly. There is nothing related to my daily job that I excel at or even do particularly well.

My housekeeping skills leave so much to be desired. I've heard other people say, "I just love to vacuum" or "I really get into a zone when I'm dusting" and I think, "You've got to be kidding me. People really enjoy this crap?"

I'm sure my mother could give you a list ten miles long of the half assed or utterly incompetent ways I clean. I do the minimal amount necessary to keep my house presentable. When that fails, I aim for whatever keeps the guys in the hazmat suits at bay. And I absolutely do not iron unless it is forced upon me like an unwanted sexual advance in a dank and dirty nightclub.

The only redeeming quality of housework is that I get to count the calories I burned. Today, for instance, I swept, did dishes, 2 loads of laundry, and steam cleaned the couch cushions. I merrily entered this "cleaning:light to moderate effort" into my smartphone app, knowing I could eat an additional spicy tuna roll tonight. Ah, the taste of victory.

Then there is cooking. I can cook and there are some things I cook very well, but I'd rather not cook. Alas, I'm stuck doing it three times a day. I've heard people say cooking relaxes them. I can't relate. In fact, the idea of cooking a three course meal as a means to serenity is preposterous. There is no time more stressful than that which is spent toiling away over a hot stove, chopping, dicing, stirring, and timing everything so that it doesn't burn.

"Then what DO you do, Annabelle?"

Funny you should ask. I've spent some time contemplating this subject myself. I have concluded that I am not defined by my housekeeping skills. They are irrelevant. My talents lie elsewhere and that is what makes me, well, me. I am an artist, a medium, if you will. I transcribe the words my imaginary friends give me. I tell stories of love and life, happiness and hatred, estrangement and esteem. I channel the sights, sounds, and images that belong to another person and weave vivid tapestries of the world that surrounds them. That is what I do.

Know what you're meant to do and do it well, I say! So, my friends, what do you do?