Monday, July 25, 2011

Birthday Sex

Ok, I'm not really going to write about birthday sex, but I got your attention didn't I? And now you can't stop singing that song either. It's okay, you can thank me later. Anyway, my birthday was earlier this month and instead of birthday sex I got coupons. To be honest with you, I'd be highly offended if a lingerie store sent me birthday sex in the mail. I much prefer the ten dollar coupon I received. So, I hit the mall today, prompted by the variety of loot promised by local retailers.

Thanks to my birthday coupon, I was able to grab a pair of panties (Do you hate that word? So many people do, but I like it!) for just under two dollars, although I fear I may have paid dearly with my sanity.  The retailer-who-shall-not-be-named is the bane of my unmentionables shopping. I avoided shopping there for many years, but I gave in after my third baby forced the need for a push-up bra. I won't go into details, but just know, when I left my husband received text messages with references to "cutting a bitch" and what not.

A cosmetics and beauty product dealer was also very nice to me and gifted a free bottle of birthday cake scented body wash. They are so sweet! Just give me a little taste, just enough to make me feel good, and I'll come back for more. They know what they're doing. Somehow I was able to leave the Land of Temptation that is said retailer with only a few choice items. It was treacherous, though. Nail polish on my right, a gorgeous display of high end cosmetics on my left, perfumes and lotions in the back. You know how your kids act when you hit the toy section of any store? Yeah, well that's me in this place. Yet, I am strong and persevered! It's work to keep my beauty product addiction in check, but I'm doing well.  Thanks for asking.

Finishing off the trifecta of my shopping mini-splurge was another cosmetic retailer. This retailer was supposed to give me a discount during my birthday month.  *AHEM* Did they NOT pay attention to the beginning of this post? Anyway, it didn't happen. Don't fret! I had a ten dollar credit for having filled my punch card! I was all about the deals today and I wasn't leaving without the scales of commerce tipping in my favor.

Now, here is where I have a question for you, my friends. Do you bring your new found treasures home, rip them from their glossy wrapping and set them in their rightful place? Do you bask in the glory of your fantastic finds? Do you try everything on twice and make your kids watch while you model them, clapping furiously as you strut across the kitchen floor?

Honestly, I can't do it. I have to leave them in their pretty little shopping bags for a couple days (more on those pretty little shopping bags in another post soon). I don't know, maybe I want them to stay new for a while. Maybe I am afraid I'll change my mind and take them back. What ever it is, it's weird. Regardless, as I type I am admiring my little pink, black and striped bags full of fantastic treats, that most definitely are NOT birthday sex, but almost as good.


  1. Shopping = Sex in the mall with all your clothes on

    My post-spendfest ritual is to surround myself with the fruits of my bargain hunting skills, first taking them out of the bags, then putting them back, then take them out again. I then demand my husband admire the items and guess how much I paid. "Do you see these shoes? Aren't they cute? Guess how much I paid for them. Guess! SIX DOLLARS!!!!" After hubby responds with appropriate comments of shock and admiration, I put away my shopping booty.

    Glad you had fun! AND that you escaped that store,to whose siren song I have many times succumbed, without putting any belongings into hock!

  2. I told John to watch out for my hair clip because it was sharp the other day. His response was "So why do you wear it?" and I looked him dead in the eye and said "In case I need to shank a bitch ..." *crickets chirping* I think I scared him. LOL (your "cutting a bitch" comment set off that memory)
    BTW not that you couldnt have guessed it, but I do the same thing after shopping. I think it's because I do it so rarely I want the experience to last. Kinda like an orgasm ;)